Ergh... I vowed I would finish this essay tonight. Well, since the sun is now coming up and I've still got 800 words or so to go, and my ability to concentrate for longer than 3 minutes without procrastinating left me about the same time as I finished GCSEs, I think I'll be revising that to 'I will finish this before I'll allow myself to sleep'. I don't care what it actually says any more, I've still got to translate the bloody thing into German anyway, but if I don't finish it now then I won't get started on the next one tomorrow, and then I am screwed. So ergh. And yes, I am very bad, and am writing my essays in English and then translating into German. But I do at least now have a German housemate to check them over for me, so hopefully they'll at least make a small amount of sense... lalalalala, am ignoring the fact that I still have two to write. La.

Yes! My best friend from school finally got back in touch with me :) She's been awol since June, and I was beginning to wonder if she was a) dead, b) pissed off at me for some unknown reason, c) in the middle of some kind of crisis, or d) so apathetic that she couldn't be bothered to call me. Still don't know the reason but at least I now know it's definitely not a), and probably not b) and d)... it's her 21st today so I sent her a text, and actually got one back. So hooray! I almost cried I was so relieved :)

In other news, I now have just over 900 words of essay... and I've just finished the introduction. Hmm... I think tonight is going to be a long, long night...

Anybody who already knows Etsy will already know what a treasure trove it is. They have an application called a treasury where, if you manage to grab a slot (they're pretty hard to get!) you can show off the 16 items you like the best on the site. Well, I got one! So if you want to see some gorgeous hand made products, go here: http://www.etsy.com/treasury_list_west.php?room_id=23361

I've come to realise recently that some people on LJ see the whole thing very differently to me. I see the point of having friends on my f-list as a group of people who I possibly have a common interest with, or just generally found nice/interesting and added, and some of them added me back, and the point of reading their entries is to find out interesting things and to occasionally contribute something to them. I don't see it as my 'duty' to comment. I don't believe my LJ friends should feel obliged to comment back. It's nice to hear from you all sometimes, but if I don't I'm not offended. Some LJ-ers expect constant contribution, or they de-friend... I don't quite get that. I don't think I've ever de-friended someone. Even if I don't read every entry someone posts, I still read some of them. I guess I'm just pretty laid-back when it comes to the old f-list.

What do you guys all think? This isn't meant to be a pointed comment at anyone on my f-list at all, this is just observation from my recent forays into adding comms!

And GIP because Black Books is amazing :)

I never really believed it was possible to fall in love with a city this much before. But honestly, I really, really don't want to leave Berlin. The idea of just staying, tour guiding, and hanging around and discovering the city for a year, with nothing to worry about other than maybe trying to get some gigs is so incredibly tempting right now. I'm so fed up with the 24 hour pressure of academia - because you can never escape it. At least, if you're a total perfectionist but also incredibly unmotivated like me then you can never escape it, because there's always something you should be studying, an essay you should be writing, and even in the summer, there's something you could be learning to make the next year easier. I've had exams every single year since I was 14 and to be honest, I'm utterly, utterly sick of the whole thing. I just want to escape, and Berlin is an escapist's paradise, and this job is the perfect escapist's job. I don't want to go home.

I suppose this could be a sense of teenage rebellion making a belated entrance into my life. I think the thing I disliked about this year was being forced to be here. And now I dislike being forced to leave - I dislike the way that my university/my degree limits my freedom like that. I was never a rebellious teenager at all - maybe it's coming out now? But I suppose I also know that I will never recreate this sensation of being right here, right now, even if I come back once I finish my degree - Berlin will never be to me what it is right now. I feel like I'm leaving just as something is starting that could make me very happy and content, at least for a while, and it really bugs me.

Oh well, I suppose I should go back to writing about Mulholland Drive. I also have far, far too much to say for this essay - why do I always pick topics I could write a dissertation on? I already have ten pages of handwritten notes and I'm only halfway through the secondary literature... and I haven't even re-watched the film yet to make notes on that. Oh dear...

I just had a bit of a paradigm shift in mood. And I realised that my final year at uni is going to be amazing. I have the world laid out for me. I've already got a gig lined up, I know where I can get more. I'm going to direct an amazing play which will go down in German Society history, at least for the shock factor! (We want to do Justine del Corte's Sex, hehe... I know, I know, I am a small child) As soon as I get back to England (or maybe even before) I'm going to go on an incredible song-writing binge. And even if the essays I'm writing right now get shitty marks, I can still get a first at the end of my degree. Sometimes I still appreciate being able to deal with complicated formulas: I just put all my marks and some fairly pessimistic predictions for what I'm going to get for the rest of my degree into the formula they use for calculating your final grade, and it came out as about 73%. Which is a first! So yay. Not that I'm going to slack, but it makes me feel a bit happier in any case. So hooray for that.

I'm feeling pretty happy right now.

(not planning on reposting this multiple times, don't worry, just trying to work out some stuff with my journal!)

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3)Cross out any items that you would never consider eating
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results. (You can also go here to find links to explanations of the less-identifiable foods).

( cut for the giant list! )

Apparently, in the world of Anna, all academia is now somehow related to Berlin history. Because every time I start making essay notes, half of the random thoughts my brain provides me with go along the lines of 'David Lynch offers no official interpretation of Mulholland Drive - much like Peter Eisenmann and the Holocaust Memorial'! I think I could write a great essay connecting the film to Berlin, if it wasn't for the fact that the two things are completely unrelated...

Anybody know Black Books at all who would fancy proof-reading a Black Books/HP one-shot? It's about 1200 words right now, but it's growing. It may stay a one-shot or it might end up as a chaptered fic, depending on where it ends itself. The HP elements are fairly small.

I got two skirts and a necklace from C&A yesterday for under €20. Result!

I realised today as I was walking through Alexanderplatz that I would actually happily come back and live in Berlin again in the future. I think the difference between Berlin and London for me is that, although I love London and get a great buzz from living there, I always feel slightly in awe of the fact that I do. I never quite feel like I'm part of the place, more like I'm a constant fly-on-the-wall observing how amazing and busy it all is. In Berlin, I feel like I'm part of it all, like I'm not just existing here but both giving and taking something from the city. There's a sense of community here. It's a really nice feeling. I think that it's maybe that that makes people come here for two days and leave four years later. It's pretty amazing.

I am also very annoyed right now, because my voice has been dead for about three weeks now. I can't actually produce any note higher than an F above middle C when singing, and I sound like I've been chain-smoking for 50 years anyway. It's ridiculous. And even worse, I'm supposed to be singing at my party in a week and a half, and there's going to be a load of music biz people there, and I think I'm going to sound so stupid. So I'm kind of worried about the whole thing. I also don't really want to end up with nodules - for one thing Julian (my singing teacher) would kill me. Ergh. I think I'm just going on total voice maintenance from now until next Saturday - no alcohol, only drinking water, vocalzones, and steaming with tea tree oil twice a day. Hopefully that will help a bit.

Somebody in my building has had amazing orgasms at least three times this week so far... and they're not afraid who knows it. Honestly, you'd think if you knew you lived in a block where every sound is multiplied and echoed by the courtyard to everyone else in the building, you'd make sure you closed the windows before having sex? I guess they must just be really exhibitionist....

I was going to type something else but the 'uh... oh... ooh...uh' is really distracting!!

A spam email with a weird subject heading arrived in my inbox just now, and I thought 'I do get some frightfully odd emails sometimes.'

Since when did my inner voice start talking like an aging member of the aristocracy?

See, this is what happens when I'm not on LJ for a week... I return to spam you all *g*

I managed to find one video with me in it on youtube, even if it's not tour guiding!! Not that you can see me, only hear me, but still... If you go to about 7:20 in the video, this is me (and the 6 other people in the cheesy scout band) singing to 15,000 people in the o2 arena for the scout centenary:
( video behind the cut )

I really don't know where I want to be right now. I'm feeling nostalgic and slightly homesick every time I see London even mentioned - even in fanfic! It makes me want to contact the author, just because they describe London streets... gah. I like Berlin, I really, really do, but I think I feel a bit like I'm on a holiday here that's gone on quite a lot too long. I need to go home. Still, it's only 9 weeks now, and I'm going to enjoy them - I have a trip to Hamburg and to Prague planned, and maybe a couple of others - might head down to Tübingen to see Insa (my German exchange from school) as well.

This may, of course, all be related to the fact that my room is still a tip, and my usual reaction to that is to want to run away... hmm!

I made decent money today! Hooray!

In other news, I'm taking an internet hiatus for a week, to try and rescue my creativity, destress, and sort a few personal things out. So I'll still be checking my email but I won't be reading my f-list or posting until next Tuesday. Hope you all have fun for a week and I don't miss any exciting drama! *g*

Nicked from jesspallas. The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicise those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them ;-)

( 100 Books )

When will I learn to do things before the absolute last minute?! Or even after that...? I am writing my presentation for tomorrow morning. I have yet to watch the whole film. I have yet to read all of the information. I have yet to write a handout. I have yet to work out anything coherent to say in English, never mind in German. And I am bright red from my tour today, and I only earned €20.

Once tomorrow is over, I will be so relieved!